To the average person who isn’t into BDSM (these people are sometimes called “vanilla” by people within the community) it might seem a little puzzling as an activity. Why, after all, would someone wish to endure pain? Isn’t sex supposed to be all about pleasure? And what about the various fetishes that some kinksters enjoy – how can anyone be turned on by feet? Or elbows? Or items of clothing.

The very fact that you’re reading this guide indicates that you’re probably not the one asking these questions – in fact you’re probably an aspiring kinkster yourself. For that reason it might seem a little pointless to have a section on why BDSM is so great. On the other hand it’s always good to remember why you do what you do – and the answers provided here will give you a good way of coming back at people who question your sexuality.

In short, BDSM is indeed all about pleasure. For a lot of people pain and submission (or giving pain and dominance) can enhance that. It’s the same with bondage and other kinky activities – though they may seem as though they would deliver only pain and complication, their purpose is to enhance pleasure and connection between you and your partner.

One way of thinking about it is like this: BDSM takes you to some extreme places. And it is the extreme nature of these activities that brings you closer to your partner. Indeed, many practitioners of BDSM report that the emotional, sexual and physiological results of it are much greater than those that come from ordinary “vanilla” sex. Not only that, but BDSM provides new horizons to explore – it’s difficult to become bored with sex when your definition of it has such wide bounds.

Quite often too, people simply can’t help what turns them on. There are deeply rooted reasons why many people enjoy submitting and relinquishing power and control. There are also equally deeply rooted reasons why other people enjoy dominating or taking control. So to it is with fetishes – although it may not be entirely possible to trace why someone is turned on by a particular thing, the reason is buried somewhere deep in their psyche.

Most people have a kink of some kind. It often happens that those who are most vocal about their dislike or distrust of other people’s kinks are the ones whose own are buried the deepest. Indeed, people often don’t admit even to themselves the true extent of their wants and desires. Safe to say you’re not alone in your particular kink, whatever it may be. And if anyone questions your sexuality – you should feel free to defend it.

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